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ANTM Krumping

ANTM Krumping

We have our very first contributor to!  Please give a warm welcome to the darling SHIHRAH :: PRINCESS OF POWERTUBING. (She watches TV for days.) Shihrah will be giving weekly recaps of the remaining episodes for America’s Next Top Model :: Cycle 6 (since I’ve been failing to do so as of late). Drum roll please!!!!!! [cue recap]

We open with a truly heartwarming and inspiring scene: Jade The Undiscovered Supermodel in absolute floods of tears. She starts blubbering about being in the bottom two at elimination (again) and my recently-warmed heart quickly freezes over with all-too-familiar hatred and irritation.  

From Jade’s heartbreaking anguish, we quickly move to sweet, so-wrong-she’s-right (talk about the back-handed compliment) Brooke, who’s busily bad-mouthing Nnenna.  Seems like Brooke is slightly less than pleased with the way Nnenna almost fell over laughing when they showed Brooke’s Cover Girl commercial at last week’s judging.  ANTM producers kindly provide visual reminder of this little incident by flashing back to last week’s footage, where Nnenna is laughing indecently hard – though in her defense, I laughed pretty hard at Brooke’s commercial too (but I was sensitive enough to do it in the privacy of my own home).  In addition to the mocking laughter, Brooke is also pissed that Nnenna is on the phone all the time with wussy boyfriend John, preventing all the other girls in the house from using the one phoneline. In fact, lots of the girls seem to be slightly peeved with Nnenna and her phone-hogging, challenge-winning, good-picture-taking ways.  (Continue reading after the jump, pictures in the gallery)

(Continued from before the jump) Next day, out pops Miss J., who announces that s/he is there to teach the girls how to walk using accessories – jackets, gloves, and other such tricky little sartorial items. Brooke doesn’t have an easy time of it and when she clumsily drops the clutch, the camera quickly cuts over to Nnenna, who is cracking up again.  Miss J. then teaches the girls how to twirl and swirl.  Jade does her usual drag queen/Undiscovered Supermodel thing, Danielle redeems herself from the last runway tripping embarrassment, and Sara walks and turns like she is on glass stilts.  All this is done to the accompaniment of Miss J. in the background saying inspiring things like “make that skirt do the dance of the seven veils”.  Oh, Miss J. – how many of these models do you think are die-hard fans of Oscar Wilde the way you are?

The girls are hustled to another location, where they meet “the swirlers” Richard and Ron Harris, who, frankly, look exactly like Tweedledee and Tweedledum in weird orange and black capes, or rather, as Joanie describes them, “Count Dracula meets a hairdresser.” Famous runway coaches Richard and Ron show off their skills to the girls in a demonstration I like to think of as “swirling in tandem”.  The lesson yields about the same results as the earlier twirling lesson taught by Miss J.

Back at the house, tensions continue to rise between Nnenna and the rest of the girls over access to the phone.  While complaining to one of the other girls about Nnenna, Brooke falls back on tried-and-true racist insult: “Go back to Africa if it’s so damn great.”  Ah … the old go-back-where-you-came-from attack … brings back fond memories of the schoolyard for me.  Brooke, that was so wrong, it’s just wrong.  Tension culminates with Brooke calling Nnenna a b****, and then immediately regretting it.

Tension breaker: Tyra Mail reads “Sashay Chantay.”  Huh?  Leslie worries over her “duck booty” walk (so-called by Miss J. during her casting session), and Sara stresses over navigating the lean, mean 6’1” length of her body down the catwalk gracefully.

Next morning, the girls show up at a church.  Upon entering, Jade blesses herself with Holy Water and I’m pretty sure I heard a hissing sound when the water touched her skin. Hissssssssssss. The girls meet Roy Campbell, a fashion and special events producer, who tells the girls that they are about to participate in a church fashion show, where they will be expected to show off the best of their swirling and twirling abilities.  The best walker and winner, who will be determined by judges Lloyd Klein (fashion designer) and Sol Rafael (jewelry designer), takes home a $25,000 diamond ring.  Personally, I think that Joanie totally rocked it with her attitude and great turning, but Jade, who was really working her black cape like a diva grim reaper, ended up winning.  She then chose Furonda to get the second prize of a $10,000 diamond ring, and Furonda picked Nnenna to receive the third prize $8000 ring.   

Second Tyra Mail mentions having “stomach krumps”, and for a moment I think that ANTM producers can’t seem to spell any better than Jade (remember the whole ANTM does not stand for America’s Next Top Best Friend incident?).  Next day, however, my faith is restored when we learn that the girls are shooting ads for Payless Shoes and will be working with Tommy the Clown and his krumpers.  Jay Manuel helpfully explains to the girls (and us) that krumping is a new form of movement, a high energy dance much like break dancing. Ok …..  After hearing about the latest challenge, Jade is immediately happy and confident, telling us, “Jade can dance”.  Oh, Jade, how your humility shines through at every juncture ….

Jay tells Furonda that “if you don’t bring it, your black sisters are going to shame you.”  Judging by her dancing in the clips, I would guess that Furonda has quite a bit of shaming awaiting her when she goes home.  Then, despite Danielle’s modest claim that her friends call her a white girl back home, she ends up doing very well and impressing Jay with her moves.  According to photographer Trevor, Brooke “has a killer body but she went off into stripper poses.”  You say that like it’s a bad thing Speaking of stripper moves, Jade gets on set and really starts getting down.  She grabs a water bottle and starts splashing the water over her chest while dancing.  Wet t-shirt contest, anybody?

JUDGING! In the final challenge, Tyra has the girls show off a signature walk and do a smooth, balanced turntable turn on the way back up the runway, both of which Tyra demonstrates with admirable aplomb.  The girls do slightly less well with the walking and turning.  Nnenna, surprisingly, probably had the worst turn of all.  Or maybe Sara.  Or Leslie.  Actually its kind of a toss-up since everyone was so bad.

CRITIQUES! Miss J. tells Jade that she doesn’t look like she’s krumping in her Payless photo shoot – she looks like she’s humping.  Yikes!  Nigel tells Sara that she looks like a tank coming down the runway.  He then tells Furonda that she definitely has a signature walk, whether you like that walk or not.  Brooke is told that she has a bad walk, though she did manage to take a good picture, big jaw and all.  Joanie gets the highest praises from the judges, with Tyra telling her that she has a totally soulful signature walk and a great pic to boot.  Leslie is told to stick her head out like a turtle to counteract her duck booty problem – although personally I think that could go either way, it could counteract the duck booty or just make her end up with duck booty and turtle neck.

DELIBERATION! Sara and Leslie are in the bottom two, both for bad runway walks.  Sara is tall but awkward, and Leslie lacks both posture and presence.  In the end, Sara stays, and Leslie goes home with seven girls remaining. Still wish it were Jade going home this week, though. Better luck next week.

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  • Top Model Charm

    I am obsessed with this show..thanks Jared. Awesome photos and recap.

  • lisa

    welcome, shihrah princess of powertubing! lol. i’m rooting for brooke even though she’s a total wimp.

  • so good

    I can’t wait for Jade to get kicked off. she is so rotten!!!! it will be hilarious to hear what she has to say when she gets the boot, seeing as she seems to think she is such an untapped resource in the world of modeling

  • Jude

    I also thought Joanie did better than Jade in the church fashion show thing. Jade was flopping that cape all over the heads of the people in the aisle seats! But Jade does know how to twirl–remember her Cover Girl commercial from last week?

  • MarieC

    Jade has the same expression in every photo: bland and bitchy.She was all serious and attitudey during the fashion show. It’s a CHURCH fashion show, would it kill you to smile….They should really kick her off. She’s not very nice and not very striking

  • lawny

    they can’t kick the bitch off – she’s the only one with a personality – that’s why she stayed and Mollie Sue (who should have won) got the boot.

  • j4r3d

    I was hoping Mollie Sue should have won too, gosh darn it. Too bad her TV personality was so ZZZZZZZZZZ.

  • yholl

    I loved it when Tyra said Jade photographs old! That skanky bitch looks older than all the models and her squinty eyes make her face untolerable. Nice butt cheeks.

  • ladybug

    Brooke is so ugly, she is a beast. She looks more like a drag queen than Jade does. Sara’s pic was bad. When my dog pees he has the same pose and the same face expression. I dont have a fav model yet but i sure like this season. Last episode Tyra was wearing a weird dress with spikes in the back. did anyone else notice? the dress could have been nice without the spikes….peace

  • Meow

    I’m rooting for Jade and Brooke, I also loved Mollie Sue… I think Leslie’s photo were always so beautiful, but the walk… =/ I can’t stand Nnenna anymore! The judges are fixated on her and I don’t understand why, she always have the same expression!Oh, I also loved Tyra’s picture for this episode, the Tyra in the centre is SO FIERCE!!!My God, I’m so addicted to this show, I’ve downloaded seasons 3, 4 and 5!