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Suri Cruise Born

Suri Cruise Born


Welcome to Earth, Suri Cruise!  Us lifeforms are called humans.  Huuuuuu-maaaaaans. [Waves hello] Your journey was unexpectedly long but your parents, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, are proud to welcome you into this world as their first child, a bouncing baby girl.  You weighed in at 7 lbs 7 oz and your name Suri means "princess" in Hebrew or "red rose" in Persian. You have two siblings from your father’s previous marriage to Nicole Kidman (she’s also an actress) — Isabella, 13, and Connor, 11, who were adopted as infants.  This news comes the same exact day that your daddy’s sworn enemy, Brooke Shields, gave birth to her second child, a daughter named Grier Hammond Henchy.  You can look forward to your daddy setting up many playdates for the two of you.  Be excited!  Congrats to you and your parents!  TOM ‘N’ KATIE 4EVA!!

Just Jared on Facebook

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    first!!!!let the jokes begin!

  • crzymaid

    And how coincidental that the baby appeared on the same morning as Brooke Shields’ baby. I wonder what TC will think of to say next about poor Brookie.

  • HELLO!

    He hates Brooke sheilds. this was his plan from day one.LOL

  • wildviolette

    I thought I felt a strange disturbance in the Force eariler today…this explains it!

  • HELLO!

    He hates Brooke sheilds. this was his plan from day one.LOL

  • slj

    We in San Francisco waked up with sirens in the morning. Now I know why.

  • mary

    Oh yeah. He used his time travelling Scientology powers to find out when Brooke would fall pregnant, then travelled back to make sure Katie was impregnated around the same time. Then as soon as Brooke Shields gave birth, he got Katie to have a c-section. I think he’s insane, but I can’t quite believe that it’s anything more than coincidence.

  • alys

    congratulation to both!AND WELOME TO THE BABY GIRL

  • malibumom

    It’s reported that Tom Cruise’s baby is a girl and her name is Suri

  • Mateo Duh Acosta

    great!! is it over now!!??

  • whattheF

    Baby Suri? Yeah I am sure Katie picked that name out. Poor girl is done now!! Did he eat the placenta? How funny the day Brooke had her baby. Let me guess… Katie had it before Brook right? Don’t buy it!!!

  • CeeusBeeus

    Congratulations to Brooke. Hope she is doing well, and won’t have PPD this time around.

  • Paola

    CONGRATS TO TOM AND KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME SURI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Kaley

    i heard that tom broke her water and drank it to wash down the placenta.

  • P

    Bitch, please.

  • maxie

    Let’s see with the worldwide premieres of MI3 starting next week, it was really lucky that she had the baby this week. Tom was able to be present and not have to miss out on the movie’s promotion. Wow, TomKat’s timing is really spot on.

  • Michelle

    Your girls are so funny and creative, iam laughing now!please more jokes!Congratulations to the two moms!

  • Knows better

    Congratulations to whomever it was that gave birth to Tom and Katiebot’s baby! Hope they paid you well.

  • geniass

    I wonder how silent the birth really was. Was the baby allowed to cry?

  • Original jpf

    Congrats to both of them, and I really like the name "Suri."Looks like the year for girl baby’s doesn’t it?jpf

  • Knows better

    from the gawker:The press release is thin on details like, say, when exactly the child was born, but the poor thing weighed in at 7 pounds and 7 ounces and is reportedly named Suri, which means “doomed” in Hebrew and “utterly fucked” in Persian.We are, of course, incredibly happy to hear that the couple has finally cast the appropriate orphan to play the role of their child — and our congrats to Katie Holmes, who must be thrilled to return to Barneys sans the cumbersome prosthetic.

  • Cinnabana

    I think the universe or the celestial being has a twisted sense of humor. They both had girls on the same day. I love it. Congrats to both. Now I hope people will leave TomKat alone.

  • peggypamblue

    Jared! I love you so I can’t allow you to have a grammar mistake in your lead story!! It’s "who were adopted," not "whom were adopted." You wouldn’t say "she has siblings, X and Y, whom are adored," would you? The linking verb ("were") means you don’t treat the "who" as a direct object.This is how your original text reads, and it’s incorrect:You have two siblings from your father’s previous marriage to Nicole Kidman (she’s also an actress) — Isabella, 13, and Connor, 11, whom were adopted as infants. (P.S. Want to hire me as an editor?)

  • Knows better

    Now the real fun begins! Seeing if Katebot shows up at the premiere and how she does or does not look postpartum…. if the child even remotely resembles either of them …. He heheheh The Scientology insurgents are out tonight full force this should be fun!

  • Noir

    Suri Cruise? Isn’t Tom from Syracuse? or another bizarre Cruisism?

  • Knows better

    Odd, my post got sucked off the page??? hmmm here we go again! Congratulations to whomever delivered TomKat’s baby! You should be rich now!

  • Knows better

    Odd, my post got sucked off the page??? hmmm here we go again! Congratulations to whomever gave birth to TomKat’s baby! I do hope they paid you well

  • HELLO aliens

    Does anyone remember when Tom and Nicole were still together? He SEEMED so normal and they made such a lovely couple. Now he’s crazy having alien babies and Nicole looks like a botoxed Alien.

  • j4r3d

    Haha, thanks for the grammar lesson, peggypamblue. Feel free to poke at my grammar anytime. (:

  • newsie__nympho

    Tommyboy has done it again. he has stolen the spotlight from someone else-AGAIN> I bet Katie is glad to not have to wear the fake belly anymore or the pillow. I believe that Tommy boy wanted to get even with brooke so he made sure that the so called baby was born the same day as brook’s baby. I bet the surrogate mommy was paid very well and had to sign a paper to keep her mouth shut too. I’m just going to congraulate brooke who actually had a baby!

  • linda Cooper

    congrats to both katie and brook, how sweet they both give bith the saame day. I’m sure Tom is thinking hard, for every birthday it will always cross his mind, that Brooks baby is also celebrating. I sure hope Katie dosn’t suffer from post parten depression, he sure slamed poor Brook. Makes you think.

  • JLS

    #22Noir, did you know there is a new word created by linguists in 2005: CRUIZY? It means "crazy in the Tom Cruise sense." It will be listed in all new 2006 dictionaries.

  • SueY

    hahahahahah….jared, ur TOM & KATIE 4EVA bit really cracked me up!!!

  • LeeDC

    Did Katie give birth in a department store?*__*

  • Tealeaf

    Congrats to both couples, but I thought Katie’s baby would weigh more, considering how large she was, I guess she had alot of fluid.

  • Original jpf

    OMG, I just this moment got the irony here! Brooke & Tom’s baby were born on the same day! The two who went to battle over the treament of post partem depression. So freaking weird.jpf

  • Agnieszka

    Wasn’t KH just shoe shopping yesterday?That was QUICK! HA!All in all, congratulations to new mom!

  • blu

    Suri… Drop the the first and last letters in cruise and the remaining letters spell SURI.

  • Miss Bee Haven ’06


  • Medlaw

    # 39 | Miss Bee Haven ’06 | April 19, 2006 12:38 AM You crack me up! Too funny!!!

  • cindy2

    # 39 | Miss Bee Haven ’06 Suri is a built-in joke, isn’t it? I chuckled at your examples. If India were on their minds, it would have been "Sari" instead. To be fair, Suri isn’t nearly as bad as Rachel Griffith’s "Banjo" or Jason Lee’s "Pilot Inspektor" or Penn’s "Moxie Crimefighter." Man, these celebrities must not think they’ll ever put these kids through public or even private school! Here, I thought kids would get beat up for a pressed crease down their jeans.

  • Miss x

    Ah yes Karma strikes again. Bet ole’ Katie will have severe postpartum depression and will just have to DEAL.

  • Suri Sr.

    lol Miss x, yea luckily she will have all that scientology help

  • tak

    Just an interesting note:Sari is a form of Sarah which is hebrew for Princess.Suri is Todas which means pointy nose. And still on the topic of Suri, wasn’t it the name of the girl leema from the Disney movie Dinosaur???

  • Goofy

    Congratulations to Tom and Katie. Not a western names but not as bad as other names mentioned by Cindy2. How come nobody say anything about Brooke’s daughter’s name? Is Greir a normal name? Never heard of it before.

  • Miss x

    No Greir sounds like a last name. Can’t these stars give their kids normal names? Here’s hoping Pitt-Jolie have the good sense to name the baby something at least beautiful sounding. I’m sure it will be better than these two.

  • emma


  • ilies

    WELCOME "SURI" it’s so cute if i had a daugther i will call her suri ! good luck to you suri and don’t spend a lot of money!!

  • momo

    congratulations TOM AND KATE i wish the best the happiness and a lot of love!!!!

  • lily

    damn katie you’re so lucky ! i want to be in your place now ! tom is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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