America's Next Top Model Beach Bikinis
Shihrah: Princess of Powertubing chimes in with a recap on last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model ("The Girls Go To Phuket") — For those of us who have been waiting around hopefully since day one to see the departure of The-Undiscovered-Supermodel-cum-Inventor-of-Strange-English-Words (hello … analystical?) Jade, this week’s elimination leads, once again, to bitter disappointment. Admittedly, there were a few times when we came pretty close to sending her packing – the second week, when she took the not-up-to-par magazine cover shot in profile and ended up in bottom two with Wendy; the fifth week, when her twirling drag queen Cover Girl commercial performance landed her in bottom two with Mollie Sue; the seventh week, when her fake tearing up at judging landed her in bottom two with Brooke; and then last week, when her constant I-know-better-than-you-Tyra/Nigel/Miss J/Twiggy attitude led to a spot in bottom two with Furonda. But what can we say? Despite the arrogance and the making up words and the bullying insecure Asian girls and the looking like a drag queen and all the rest, apparently THE GIRL CAN MODEL (Nigel’s words, not mine), and the Queen of Bottom Two is now in Final Three. (continued after the jump)
(continued before the jump) This week is go-see week, and our intrepid Top-Models-to-be are sent on a merry-go-round of go-sees with five of Thailand’s top designers. But before they can take off on their tuk tuks, they must first meet with Thai designer Pichita Racksajit to learn that “Thailand is a land of smiles. If you smile on your go-sees today then everybody will like you”. The girls are also told that they will be judged on 4 criteria during their go-sees: observance of Thai social customs (the aforementioned smiling, and taking off your shoes when entering someone’s home), general appearance, runway walk, and model portfolio. With strict instructions to return at 4:30 pm, the girls are sent out into the wilds of the go-see jungle. Of course, the second that Pichita warns the girls not to be late, we who know the formula of ANTM so well can guess that there will be time-management troubles coming up ahead.
On their go-sees, all the girls seem to be doing about equally well/poorly. Each has her own troubles. Sara is still walking and posing stiffly, Jade is her usual non-smiling intimidating self, and Danielle struggles with frizzy hair in humid Thai weather. My favorite go-see belongs to Joanie though. When she shows up at lingerie brand Boudoir, she is told that the designer is looking to do an Alice in Wonderland-themed show, replete with giant plastic animal heads that the models must wear over their heads, with coordinating lingerie. Joanie gamely steps to it, and ends up with a two-foot wide cartoon head over her face, which actually goes perfectly with the hideously ridiculous/ ridiculously hideous purple and yellow ruffled bustier and panties that she is given to wear. Just when you think that things can’t get too much worse for Joanie, Jade shows up to witness the humiliation. Which leads to another opportunity for insulting the competition and flattering herself, when Jade tells us, “I don’t think Joanie has a lingerie body at all … I DO.”
On their way back to meet their 4:30 deadline, all four girls run into trouble with traffic. Bet you at that point they were wishing that instead of the Thailand-is-a-land-of-smiles speech, they had gotten the Bangkok-is-the-land-of-traffic-jams speech instead. Everybody ends up being late to the meeting, but none more so that Jade, who turns up an hour and ten minutes late, with nary an apology to be heard. As punishment, Pichita decides that none of the girls can win the challenge (we are told that Danielle would have won) and returns all twelve racks of designer clothes that would have gone to the challenge winner. Hey, if those racks were filled with the likes of the purple and yellow ruffled combo that Joanie was wearing earlier, than that’s really no loss to Danielle, I say. Anyway, apparently, in spite of the 4 stated go-see criteria stated earlier, it was really only the unstated criteria of punctuality that was counting.
The girls brush off their disappointment and head to the island paradise/tsunami devastation area of Phuket for this week’s photo shoot – which ends up being for a real client, producing a real ad that will run in Elle Girl. The girls model Op swimwear on the beach, with “noted fashion photographer, Nigel Barker” doing what he does best. I must say, it was nice to see a bit more of Nigel for a change. Too bad the photo shoot ends up being pretty much a typical scantily-clad girls at the beach sort of deal – which is nice, but a bit of a letdown after we’ve become so used to the usual dangling girls upside down with rotting fish and fishnets ANTM hijincks.
At judging, Tyra welcomes the girls, saying, “You’ve been all over this country haven’t you – Bangkok, Phuket … and now Bangkok again.” Uh, I’m hardly a geography expert, but I think that you need to go to more that just two places to consider yourself as having been all over the country. All of the girls end up having good pictures, though Danielle is criticized by the judges for having a too-sexy men’s magazine pose not quite suited to Elle Girl. Sara’s picture definitely showed a huge improvement over her previous work. Joanie’s picture is so good that even Miss J exclaims he absolutely loves it. Jade, though – gotta hand it to her – ends up taking the strongest picture, and gets props from photog Nigel. Sara and Danielle end up in bottom two, and Sara is sent home.
Up next: SEASON FINALE