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John Mayer Defines Douchebag

John Mayer Defines Douchebag

John Mayer is off on another one of his rants on his blog. “Death to Douchebag” is a 1 of a 129-part series, so we have lots more to look forward to on his topic from John! Check out the entry below but he could have just looked it up on!


“What a douchebag.”

It feels good to say, “douchebag.” It’s got two different plosive sounds, the “D” and “B”, and nicely wedged between is a wonderful “sh” sound (technically known as a voiceless palato-alveolar sibilant, at the risk of coming off douchey) that, when preceded with “oooooh”, give your lips the sensation of sliding on a hardwood floor in a pair of woolen socks.

And “douchebag” was on the vinegary tips of everyone’s tongues this year. Trouble is, I’m not really clear on what it means, and I don’t know that anyone does. I know that I get called one. Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy, by measure of a google search, is a douchebag 11,100 times over, or the number of results that the search engine says exist. Zach Braff, who himself wrote one of the better films I’ve seen in the last decade is also frequently ‘bagged, as is some guy named Brody Jenner. In fact, if you want to go big, so is Michael Stipe, Bono (“supreme douchebag”), Thom Yorke, Will Smith and Brad Pitt.

Are you as confused as I am as to what the common denominator of douchiness is? Is it someone that comes off obnoxious? Self aggrandizing? Ignorant? Or is it just someone who exists out of another person’s comfort zone? And doesn’t that account for almost everyone in the world, celebrity or otherwise? Don’t most people, given the fact that they’re NOT US lie somewhere outside our comfort zone? Ohhhhh…OR…is being a douchebag actually all about having a bigger smile than someone else deems you deserve to in life? I think I’m onto something here. Stick with me.

In the case of Pete Wentz, whom I can comment on personally, I think the guy’s got the job description of musician down pretty damn well. True, it’s not your dad’s rock star template, but he’d be inauthentic if he tried to fit inside it. Pete Wentz has a truckload of ideas. Big, bold, colorful ideas. They’re ideas that have never once had their edges sanded down, and for that reason some people might find him or his band too much to swallow. You know who else had that going for them in their day? Frank Zappa. And David Bowie. And Peter Gabriel. And Elton John. And the Doors. Pretty much every rock band from A-Z existed because of their ignoring conventional boundaries. Pete’s going to keep pretending. Because that’s all art really is. You puff up your sense of pretend as big as you can and then try and live up to it. (Maybe that’s what people think being a douchebag is?)

I personally don’t mind being called a douchebag. I’ve met my fair share of bloggers, and I’m much, much taller than them. It’s also because I need there to be some push on the castle walls, so to speak. I’m not happy when people agree. (Don’t make me start listing the names of seminal artists that weren’t either.) I think it’s easier to call “douchebag” than to confront the possibility that:


Maybe I should take this opportunity to define douchebag once and for all; I think if enjoying your life as you choose happens to spill over into treating others without respect, then you’re a total, world-class douchebag.

But then wouldn’t that also serve as a fitting description of the boy who cried “douche”?

Maybe it’s just really fun to say.


WHO DO YOU THINK is the biggest douchebag is Hollywood?

Just Jared on Facebook
Posted to: John Mayer

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  • http://I gee

    adam levine is biggest douchebag supreme. and that was alot of words worrying about being called douchebag.

  • hilary

    wow. lameass.

  • duckie

    Brandon Davis is THE biggest douchebag in Hollyweird.

  • idk

    Tom Cruise?

  • Liz

    How annoying can this person get, ugggggh he’s so fcuking stupid!

  • soljagrrrl

    johnmayer is yummy, douchey or not!

  • kgh

    John Mayer is brilliant. I have spoken!

  • go sox

    There are too many to pick one self-absorbed, cocky, conceited, ignorant jerk…..

  • lyrica

    Yum..i want me summa dat boy! verrrry striking!!

  • required

    ffs wasnt this guy mayer dating jessica simpson?
    how lame is that.

  • Tori

    Tom Cruise

  • celebpsychic

    I used to love John Mayer–his music used to give me orgasm now it makes me want to barf–seriously.

    A new spin on celebrity Gossip

  • whatsername

    Oh boy, I love this guy, seriously. Tell it John!

  • Orange Clockwork

    John Mayer is the quintessential douchebag.

  • mayerisadouchebag

    Wow, that is just a long, badly worded “You’re just jeoulous” defense. No John, the problem isn’t that we are all in awe of your height and can’t accept your amazing success, its that really what you deem to be success is what others call failure, and you are an untalented, ugly, asshat that needs to chase Simpsons for attention cause no girls liked you in high school.

  • [~Famous~]

    john mayers a genius.

    biggest douchebag in hollywood – brad pitt. he’s a big smelly douchebag.

    lol i-kid i-kid.

  • righton

    celebpsychic, are you kidding me? last year, john mayer put out one of the best albums, continuum, of the year–if not in large-scale comparisons. i mean, his acoustic love songs were great, but his new bluesy stuff requires immense talent, and if that doesn’t give you chills, you need to get your pulse checked.

  • mayersucks

    You are a douche John, because everything you do is objectionable. It is objectionable becuase it is sexist and crap, not because it is out of my comfort zone, I am very comfortable with boring cliche, I just don’t like it.

  • Helena

    I don’t know who he is, but he’s annoying me already.

  • raye

    i use to like John but with this crap he wrote i do not anymore. he is so lame.

  • Jenf.

    Note: Don’t use a camera or a blog after consuming mass quantities of alcohol and or cocaine .

  • maryah

    without a doubt ,FUG PEREZ HILTON is the biggest douchebag on earth and in hollywood.

  • booya

    I am in awe of his height and the heights of his thought processes. you all just don’t get him. wait and see….

    i little in love? yeah, i think so.

  • w

    I saw that douchebag in person. And he’s MAYBE 5’9″. I hope height was what he was talking about. Because the only thing tall about his life are his lies. And reading his stupid blog makes me want to protest the Internet in general. I wonder if he takes pride in those stupid words he tries to string together and pass off as sentences.

  • *

    What’d he lie about?

  • aiko_ai


  • musicisourhigh

    I actually find the term “douchebag” to be overused. People just automatically say it now thinking they sound cool or informed. Sort of like “hater” and actually I would be fine not hearing the phrase “throw up a little in my mouth” again

  • maggie

    i know you guys are going to hate me??? but your are all the biggest douche bag ever, and i like it all your guys

  • nerea


  • troy

    I think if you seriously (I’m sure he isn’t) plan on devoting 129 entries on your blog to the meaning of the word “Douchebag” then you’re a douchebag. Hey maybe I can start my own riff on Jeff Foxworthy’s “You know you’re a redneck if…” just switch “douchebag” with “redneck.” It’s brillaint! I’ll make a fortune and of course all credit will go to John Mayer, I couldn’t have done it without him.

  • wowsa

    Katherine Heigel – biggest douchebag

    Then pete wentz boy toy assleee simpson

    Then John mayer’s ex, jessica no talent simpson

    John your smart, but keep ur profile on the downlow or else u come across as douchey too.

    But ur a talented douche at best ;)

  • Babysis

    Brandon Davis is the biggest douchebag!
    \And Brad Pitt is SO NOT a douchebag!

  • wowsa

    wait wait wait, how could i not include paris hilton and brandon davis

    supreme examples of douchebags of the highest kind

  • Mrs.Ashlee_Efron

    ugh? John Mayer is not a douchebag
    biggest douchebag would have to be Perez Hilton

  • Mitch74

    All of us here are DOUCHEBAGS who are pathetic enough and lame enough to have time commenting in these blogs, because obviously we have all these times in the world to read John Mayer’s douchebag rants….

    now how sad is that?

  • woooo

    hahah #21…

    biggest douchebag?? hmm…

    Tom Cruise definitely haha

  • booya

    i didn’t weigh in on the douche of the year question.
    perez hilton personifies douchebaggery and tom cruise is a good candidate but brandon davis has got to take the prize. what does he do besides sponging of his folks fortune anyway? that has got to be good for a squillion douchebag points.

    john mayer makes good music so that puts him our of the running IMO.

  • 4574257

    WHATA DOUCHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    jeez hes annoying. GO AWAY!

  • john..john..john…

    Being different doesn’t make you a douchebag. Trying to convey people into believing Pete Wentz is an alright guy (and who is by the way dating Ashlee Simpson which is a crime in itself) well that does qualify you as one. But then again..You did date the Jessica Simpson so I guess you were already on that list.

    John it’s okay not to be liked…Just make sure that you’re not liked for the right reasons. Not being liked cause off being in the same category as Pete Wentz is not one them.

  • Didi

    lets hope he drinks and drives this xmas and dies in a 7 car pile-up

  • urcrazy

    The biggest douches of 2007 are the ones who post on this site everytime a pic of the Jolie-Pitt family appears and they start with their, “I LOVE this family!” “More pics!” “Z is the cutest EVER….”


    And now that John keeps trying to tell the world how intelligent he is …he wins the #2 spot.

  • Ally

    i love john mayer!! the biggest douchebag, by far, he is the most self obsessed jerk in hollywood!!!!! definitely justing timberlake

  • Ally

    *biggest douchebag by far is justin timberlake

  • au natural

    What a provocative entry! The term represents another one of those ‘blonde’ moments in a different word class – it’s sexist, visual and offensive. The word will have its day and pass into the realms of discarded words.

  • Kate

    I use to be a big fan of John untill he became the biggest douchebag of the year. He is so in love with himself, His chick Minka better be glad he allows her to stand by him. She is the dumbest chick to be bother with this jerk. Imagine this chick having to follow after dumbest a$$ Jessica Simpleton. Kinda makes Minka seem a little dumb to.
    Pete Wentz is another big douchebag of course John would bring up that Major a$$wipe’s name. John and Pete should have told that nasty family no.
    Now John Mayer wants to whine about being called a douchebag, and don’t know why he’s call that.
    The 2 or 3 albums I purchased, I’m begining to think someone else wrote those songs. That Continuun thing sucked real bad.

  • csxyz

    Wow, most of these people obviously didn’t read the blog at all. Oh well, maybe I’m just weird for actually reading the whole thing and LIKING it. Good job Jared!

  • Cord

    Paul Reubens!!!!!

  • Dean

    For sure the biggest douche bag is John Mayer. The biggest hobag is Jessica Simpson. Someone should do the biggest hobag blog.
    Jessica would win every time.

  • Dean

    I define douchebag as using people to get your self into the Hollywood spot light. Making albums was to climb his way to a position were he could look down on others.
    His hyped up career has caused him to look down on others and make fun of them.
    He chose a publicity wh*re that he thought would put him over the top.
    I’m glad she almost strangled him. To borrow a thought from the other poster, I hope drunk driving this new years eve land him into a tree and we don’t hear from him again.
    Your full of hot air head, no we are not jealous of you. just sick of you.

  • mossy

    justin timberlake is the biggest douchebag.