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John Mayer Defines Douchebag

John Mayer Defines Douchebag

John Mayer is off on another one of his rants on his blog. “Death to Douchebag” is a 1 of a 129-part series, so we have lots more to look forward to on his topic from John! Check out the entry below but he could have just looked it up on!


“What a douchebag.”

It feels good to say, “douchebag.” It’s got two different plosive sounds, the “D” and “B”, and nicely wedged between is a wonderful “sh” sound (technically known as a voiceless palato-alveolar sibilant, at the risk of coming off douchey) that, when preceded with “oooooh”, give your lips the sensation of sliding on a hardwood floor in a pair of woolen socks.

And “douchebag” was on the vinegary tips of everyone’s tongues this year. Trouble is, I’m not really clear on what it means, and I don’t know that anyone does. I know that I get called one. Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy, by measure of a google search, is a douchebag 11,100 times over, or the number of results that the search engine says exist. Zach Braff, who himself wrote one of the better films I’ve seen in the last decade is also frequently ‘bagged, as is some guy named Brody Jenner. In fact, if you want to go big, so is Michael Stipe, Bono (“supreme douchebag”), Thom Yorke, Will Smith and Brad Pitt.

Are you as confused as I am as to what the common denominator of douchiness is? Is it someone that comes off obnoxious? Self aggrandizing? Ignorant? Or is it just someone who exists out of another person’s comfort zone? And doesn’t that account for almost everyone in the world, celebrity or otherwise? Don’t most people, given the fact that they’re NOT US lie somewhere outside our comfort zone? Ohhhhh…OR…is being a douchebag actually all about having a bigger smile than someone else deems you deserve to in life? I think I’m onto something here. Stick with me.

In the case of Pete Wentz, whom I can comment on personally, I think the guy’s got the job description of musician down pretty damn well. True, it’s not your dad’s rock star template, but he’d be inauthentic if he tried to fit inside it. Pete Wentz has a truckload of ideas. Big, bold, colorful ideas. They’re ideas that have never once had their edges sanded down, and for that reason some people might find him or his band too much to swallow. You know who else had that going for them in their day? Frank Zappa. And David Bowie. And Peter Gabriel. And Elton John. And the Doors. Pretty much every rock band from A-Z existed because of their ignoring conventional boundaries. Pete’s going to keep pretending. Because that’s all art really is. You puff up your sense of pretend as big as you can and then try and live up to it. (Maybe that’s what people think being a douchebag is?)

I personally don’t mind being called a douchebag. I’ve met my fair share of bloggers, and I’m much, much taller than them. It’s also because I need there to be some push on the castle walls, so to speak. I’m not happy when people agree. (Don’t make me start listing the names of seminal artists that weren’t either.) I think it’s easier to call “douchebag” than to confront the possibility that:


Maybe I should take this opportunity to define douchebag once and for all; I think if enjoying your life as you choose happens to spill over into treating others without respect, then you’re a total, world-class douchebag.

But then wouldn’t that also serve as a fitting description of the boy who cried “douche”?

Maybe it’s just really fun to say.


WHO DO YOU THINK is the biggest douchebag is Hollywood?

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# 1

adam levine is biggest douchebag supreme. and that was alot of words worrying about being called douchebag.

# 2

wow. lameass.

# 3

Brandon Davis is THE biggest douchebag in Hollyweird.

# 5

How annoying can this person get, ugggggh he’s so fcuking stupid!

# 6
soljagrrrl @ 12/26/2007 at 12:24 pm

johnmayer is yummy, douchey or not!

# 7

John Mayer is brilliant. I have spoken!

# 8

There are too many to pick one self-absorbed, cocky, conceited, ignorant jerk…..

# 9

Yum..i want me summa dat boy! verrrry striking!!

ffs wasnt this guy mayer dating jessica simpson?
how lame is that.

I used to love John Mayer–his music used to give me ****** now it makes me want to barf–seriously.

A new spin on celebrity Gossip

whatsername @ 12/26/2007 at 12:48 pm

Oh boy, I love this guy, seriously. Tell it John!

Orange Clockwork @ 12/26/2007 at 12:52 pm

John Mayer is the quintessential douchebag.

mayerisadouchebag @ 12/26/2007 at 12:52 pm

Wow, that is just a long, badly worded “You’re just jeoulous” defense. No John, the problem isn’t that we are all in awe of your height and can’t accept your amazing success, its that really what you deem to be success is what others call failure, and you are an untalented, ugly, asshat that needs to chase Simpsons for attention cause no girls liked you in high school.

[~Famous~] @ 12/26/2007 at 12:54 pm

john mayers a genius.

biggest douchebag in hollywood – brad pitt. he’s a big smelly douchebag.

lol i-kid i-kid.

celebpsychic, are you kidding me? last year, john mayer put out one of the best albums, continuum, of the year–if not in large-scale comparisons. i mean, his acoustic love songs were great, but his new bluesy stuff requires immense talent, and if that doesn’t give you chills, you need to get your pulse checked.

mayersucks @ 12/26/2007 at 12:54 pm

You are a douche John, because everything you do is objectionable. It is objectionable becuase it is sexist and crap, not because it is out of my comfort zone, I am very comfortable with boring cliche, I just don’t like it.

I don’t know who he is, but he’s annoying me already.

i use to like John but with this crap he wrote i do not anymore. he is so lame.

Note: Don’t use a camera or a blog after consuming mass quantities of alcohol and or cocaine .

without a doubt ,FUG PEREZ HILTON is the biggest douchebag on earth and in hollywood.

I am in awe of his height and the heights of his thought processes. you all just don’t get him. wait and see….

i little in love? yeah, i think so.

I saw that douchebag in person. And he’s MAYBE 5’9″. I hope height was what he was talking about. Because the only thing tall about his life are his lies. And reading his stupid blog makes me want to protest the Internet in general. I wonder if he takes pride in those stupid words he tries to string together and pass off as sentences.

What’d he lie about?

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