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Jon Stewart Jokes About Angelina Jolie

Jon Stewart Jokes About Angelina Jolie

During one of his monologues, host Jon Stewart poked fun of pregnant Angelina Jolie.

He said, “Earlier, I mentioned there were two very famous quite pregnant actresses here tonight. Actually, I was incorrect. I’ve become aware that there’s a third. Jessica Alba is pregnant, Cate Blanchett is pregnant and Nicole Kidman is pregnant.” (Nic wasn’t in her seat, so they flashed a still image of her. She was there was on the merlot carpet, though.)

Continuing his joke, Jon gave out an imaginary Oscar: “The baby goes to…. (drumroll) Angelina Jolie. On my god, Angelina Jolie. I’m just stunned. It goes to Angelina Jolie. That’s terrific. Obviously Angelina couldn’t be with us tonight–it’s tough to get 17 babysitters on Oscars night. I’ll accept this baby on her behalf.”

Watch the video of Jon Stewart joking about Angelina Jolie here.

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Photos: Axelle/Bauergriffinonline.com, ABC
Posted to: Angelina Jolie, Jon Stewart, Oscars 2008

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1,863 Responses to “Jon Stewart Jokes About Angelina Jolie”

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  1. 1851
    Felinelilly Says:

    I’ll be posting on and off this weekend, but Monday for sure. You know I’ll be glued to the TV tomorrow for the triple header. You have a great, GREAT weekend, and I’ll be thinking about you. :D

  2. 1852
    cindy2 Says:

    Hello Strangers aka Friends!

    You all know who you are, so yeah, I’m chickening out in naming names. I don’t want to unwittingly leave anybody out and be scorned. (Oh, how I need to be loved, too! Seriously, I don’t care about that. I’m more concerned about unintentionally slighting anybody, even as I’m jumping into hot waters and may end up offending somebody.) Oh wait, I lie. I’ll make an exception for the delightful Estelle by giving her a hug. She’s my teddy bear (Pooh bear) who always has a big hug for me. So, hugs to you, Estelle. Oh hell, group hugs to the rest!

    While, I’m at it, allow me to indulge: Yo, kaway kababayans!!! See, I may be the only non-Filipino who’ve paid any attention to the Tagalog conversations! I’ve always wanted to be an honorary kababayan since the Filipinos have such an enviable camraderie. Keep up the spirit, guys!! I failed to get anything together with my Chinese brethrens. Then again, there were so few of us my roll calls would be the same as the number of people seeing Aniston’s films next year. Maybe I need to hang out at a Chow Yun-Fat fansite instead!!

    With that formality out of the way, I apologize for never posting those promised messages and not really leaving any departing words. That’s my life story where it concerns anything written: jump ship even into an ocean of sharks. I bail out before I reach the end cause frankly, how can there ever be an end for a wordy, long-winded writer? (It must be some kind of three-card Monte game of self-delusion.) Can any fellow verbose writer teach me how to wrap it up?? If it’s any less impolite, I do feel guilty about the delay but damn if inertia isn’t a much more powerful force to overcome. Plus, I am still very much in the biggest fight of my life that overwhelms my attention, never mind the distractions. (That’s not a tease but something private and it’s the best I want to give out.)

    Now, when I think of what I have written for those messages, I cringe at the schmaltzy expressions (much as push comes to shove, my Asian stoicism would own up to the truth of the sentiments). I do miss a lot of you. But realistically in all likelihood, I’m going to abandon those promised messages (you’d think after holding out for nearly two years???). I will still have to acknowledge all the good people and friends for their kind words and support…some day, as the Supremes sang. I had a message to clear the confusion over an imposter posting under my alias, but Malaya spared me the effort. (Thanks again, Malaya!!) Maybe I can still use that to launch my departure message…some day. I don’t know. I am so out of it.

    The real reason I came out of my coma is to throw my 2 cents into the Malibumom controversy, which I’m torn about entering: I think highly of PT, but I also think Malibumom has been unfairly judged – at least for the posts she’s been accused. (The personal fight between the two now, I am staying out of, cause one truism I know is that people can’t be forced to like each other. And I’m certainly not a Kumbaya, let’s-all-hold-hands person.) Malaya ran by me the posts of question Passing Through was alluding of the author’s regular identity. My read was that though it appeared Passing Through was hinting of Malibumom (despite my not knowing anything about a haircut Malibumom had) and I did prefer PT just out whomever she had in mind to warn the fans of a two-faced poster, I was absolutely certain the haggish posts weren’t Malibumom’s for more than differing syntax.

    The attitude was more in line with whoever the “wooden legs Angelina” character was (whose tone and syntax exactly matched the posts). (When I happen to visit, I skip over a lot of messages and normally, “wooden legs Angelina’s” and other hags’ are among them. But in that thread, hers were scattered nearby the noted posts.) You can say Malibumom is a lot of things: she can be arrogant and she’s a tease, which I find annoying in anybody (I’m not here to dump on Malibumom but I need to set up my perspective). But I’ve never seen her outrightly insulting, which the anonymous hag was. Mmom may not necessarily be one’s cup of tea but I think she tries to carry herself above the no-holds-barred mudslinging (which I will freely admit I’m not above in certain extreme settings). If I can remember correctly, I believe she might have posted anonymously her distaste for the crude language (that post is more vague to me). But if she has me fooled, then I gotta hand it to her for the greatest deceit played on me. I’m not counting on it.

    I will admit that I check the threads only occasionally and skimming is the best I can do to keep up, so there’s much that I do miss. Judge what you will with that disclaimer. Can I confess also that I have a perverse attraction to intrafan-fighting even while I hope for harmony among the fans? Fight, fight, no, no, don’t fight!! It’s similar to my perverse curiosity with ultimate fighting (mainly from which fighting style is the most competitively advantaged), which I think is barbaric, but I’ll still catch a few matches, as if I have one eye closed and an eye open. Dislocate his shoulder!! Break his knees!! Oh man, transport me back to the Roman era with the gladiators. There will be blood!! (Researchers say that violence is hard-wired in humans. Yup, it’s somewhere in the attic – or is it kitchen – of my genome.)

    Okay, where was I? Oh, yes, the modern-day gladiator fights here. To be sure, my judgment isn’t about whom I think is the better person. PT has a spooky kinship with my lifestyle (we’re both cheap…er, FRUGAL – the lone holdouts on cellphones, children-averse, dislike cartoons or anything oriented for kids, among many other commonalities) such that I will always relate better with her than most others, so I’m not damning her by any means. As a friend, I’d favor her without any reservations for socialization. In fact, I respect and like her no less than our fun times together kicking hag asses as the good cop-bad cop (guess who was which, hehehe). Damn, sometimes I get that itch but shoot, if inertia hasn’t held me back – even on FF. Alas, those were the days.

    Malibumom isn’t technically a friend so I’m not here out of loyalty or any other emotional attachment. We did come to an understanding that we wouldn’t hold anything personal and we would agree to disagree. What led up to that was we once clashed over her contention Brad and Angie were married. I thought she was condescending to anyone who didn’t jump onto her sputtering Volkswagon Beetle, running on ethanol, and I told her point blank as such, too (under my regular moniker). And she has a tendency to be overly confident of her supposed detective skills when to me, it’s all a bunch of junk research. So much for all those documents and deduction leading to…Brad and Angie weren’t remotely married.

    (I trusted my common sense Brad and Angie wouldn’t be so irritatingly coy or secretive over such a universally mundane status as marriage, unlike Janet Jackson’s self-hyped secrecy of her marriage. Big frigging deal she was married. Billions are openly married. Now she can’t shut her trap up about her sex life.)

    Coincidences and forcing facts to fit into a scenario don’t make for sound research. Skepticism must be fully tested before anything is ever declared as a fact. That is a basic science principle to be respected. (Yes, I expect for my claims to be vetted under skepticism, too. And if the readers choose not to believe me, no problem.) So, see, I am trying to be as neutral and objective as possible here despite any allegiances I have.

    A lot of you don’t know me from a brick in a wall (though I play one often in real life, which I don’t know what the hell I mean by that but it has a nice rhythm, no?). So I’m not expecting anyone to put any stock in my “testimony” as a character witness for Malibumom. Take it or leave it. It won’t matter to me; I’m doing this solely for myself. With that said, I would feel remiss if I just sat back and did nothing in something I had unwavering confidence about. I haven’t always made the right choice in moral dilemmas and I wish I could get do-overs for some of them. Those missed chances will always haunt me. I hope this isn’t one of them.

    I am convinced she’s not the troll she’s been treated as, at least not for the particular posts that started this round. Mind you, “troll” in itself isn’t technically bad since I’ve been called a troll many times by the hags and Anistonuts before and I’ve always taken it as a badge of honor as a job well done. Still, let Malibumom rightfully earn that title by indictable actions. As it is, I don’t think (refer back to disclaimer) she’s remotely a troll or a hag (which with my independent opinions, I’ve been called that and because I’m not gung-ho about Brad, I may be an outcast). At this stage, I’m okay with getting called names while sticking to my dissenting opinions than be spared insults but have to conform to the establishment.

    I’ve always thought fans should be allowed the free range to hold diverse opinions, even those that are critical of the JPs. When I was a regular, I frequently supported that right to those views, even as I would beat back the hags (it’s one form to state opinions, it’s another to be downright hateful). Believe you me, if I knew Angie or Brad, I wouldn’t soften any of my opinions of their actions or beliefs (appearances, except related to signs of physical health, are too superficial for me to care, much less regarding my own!). Why should I put on hold my principles and values for them? And I’d tell them, too, should the issue come up somehow, regardless of the flak I would catch. Somehow I can see Angie wanting to punch me. Oh, whoa, that was just a nightmare.

    I remember as far back an in-fighting over Zahara wearing a bandana on her head, which, to me, is equivalent to the toilet tissue over or under debate. Just rip me at least 4 squares (be damned Sheryl Crow’s one square bullshit), will ya?? It’s too silly for me to be bothered, but on the other hand, I know some fans have a cultural ethos about appearances that are symbolic beyond my experiences. I’ll give anybody that cultural and religious leeway and I tried badly to defend that right for one regular fan. Where I tried to joke in support, I was misunderstood as siding with the opinion police. Ah well.

    Sometimes, in my mission to keep the peace among the fans (which I would have to be paid overtime now, eh?), I had wrongly cut slack for one fruitcake (who ended up turning on me down the road) when she went apeshit over supposed photoshopping of pap pics (but you gotta admit it was better than watching an Oliver Stone film, no?). In that zeal, I appeared to oppose Passing Through (though my position is always on the side of harmony). I want to extend my long overdue apology for that, PT. (I have no problem in admitting when I am wrong.)

    People can have any opinions, as they like, and they should be free to air them. Frankly, I’m generally cool about dissent and welcome it for diversity and a wider range of perspectives. To me, it boils down to the attitude in how opinions are stated that may or may not invite prickly, temperamental, defensive reactions. Cut out the attitude and I’ll let you call me a *****, if you want. I’d like for more respect among fans but that’s not always in practice or realistic with all the different personalities and pitbulls (even during those nostalgic days when I was a “regular”). Alas…

    Now to the heart of the tempest: Yes, it’s easy to disguise one’s syntax up to a point (except for bad spellers and people with imperfect grammar, whose mistakes and grammatical biases will always bust them – if they are consistent; idioms are also dead giveaways). For instance, I have a habitual error that I absent-mindedly slip up unless I proofread, which I tend to not like to do for informal writings.

    Long, long ago, I used to be involved in flaming wars everywhere I went (what can I say? I’m damn opinionated!). At one site, a regular (equivalent to a FF hag) busted me on no more than the voice behind my anonymous posts (yeah, as I evolved on the net, I did post more and more anonymously from my regular handle, as I saw most people doing it, but on JJ, once I settled into my alias of cindy2 or c2, I didn’t post as anything else). Then again, that site had no more than a handful of regulars so her guess was about as good as a monkey throwing a dart. But she was correct that my voice was loud and clear even anonymously. In the end, I backed off of my attacks on her and became genuinely concerned with her well-being, along with another I had fought (they were both New Yorkers during the 9/11 attacks), and told her so. Ultimately, she was spot-on in her criticisms of the celebrity we were following, while I was arguing against her only because I was giving the celebrity the benefit of my doubt.

    So, everybody has a rhythm and voice behind her writing, which are more tricky to hide. Some of us are more recognizeable because of our distinct, big personalities, while others may be indistinguishable from a crowd (either from not saying or posting much). (Notice how you can recognize the author of a post without seeing the screen name.) Malibumom has posted enough to register a defined persona behind her posts – anon or not. Yes, I was well aware of her anon posts, as well, when I was a regular. So, I knew about her critical JP posts when posted on the JP threads (as opposed to the Aniston threads, which I hardly read).

    I’ve known about her anonymous posts railing about Zahara’s “unkempt” hair (which I believe was from the photos of the family heading to the airport under the dark of night and the kids were still in their pjs) and her disapproval with Brad and Angie “living in sin” (but which I think she sometimes backtracks on officially). (No, I don’t save her old posts!) Though I don’t agree with her on both issues, she is entitled to stray from the JP line, especially when she seems consistent about staying true to her core values. Hey, her core values aren’t mine but I have my own that I am fixed to. Overpopulation and its impact on environmental degradation, shrinkage of natural habitat and global warming is one of mine, but I won’t open that can of worms here. I’ll be subjected to forced sterilization!! (Not needed, but thanks anyway!)

    My take is she has firm Christian values, so be it. It’s unrealistic to expect others to hold the same values though. As for Zahara’s hair, I did see how MM formed and argued her opinion based on the higher standards she held for African-Americans to represent themselves well to the public because of the stereotypes and history of Blacks in America. I’m a minority in the States, so I can understand a bit of the rationale of her belief, even if I don’t think it’s entirely valid. As an Asian female, I have my own standards for how I would like other Asian-American females to ideally behave, mainly in support of our Asian brothers, but I’m not out there policing anybody. (Gheeee, I have better things to do, such as sleeping.) Again, I’ll keep my social views out of here since this isn’t the place and I’m not going to get sucked into an opinionated debate. I have bigger fish to fry.

    Most of all, her anonymous criticisms are consistent with her persona and even the general opinions (not necessarily of the JPs) she has posted under her regular name. Where she wavers on is Aniston, of what I’ve seen and can recall. She’s one of those JP fans who likes to come off as high-minded as not necessarily disliking Aniston (while I’ll go on record unequivocably I’ve never liked Aniston pre, mid or post-Brad and never will, so anybody can slam her, as far as I’m concerned) or above the Aniston bashing (hey, where’s my ringside seat?). Meanwhile, in some of her anon posts, she’d ridicule Aniston and take credit of the anon posts only when someone raved about how funny she was. I’m less aware of her pro-Aniston posts but that may be because she posted them under the Aniston threads out of my field of vision.

    All in all, my judgment is that she is not the anonymous hag who posted “Angie lies too much.” (I won’t mind asking Jared to check the IP addresses, but I’m not sure it’s that important for him to get involved. I’m already questioning my own involvement.) I won’t be making statements again regarding anybody else since most likely, I’ll be clueless of the posters. So, with my rotting wooden nickel duly noted, I’m going back to taking care of family and the business of life and vegging out, which is highly under-rated as being plain lazy, if you ask me. (Just don’t ask Terry Schiavo. Sorry if anyone is offended by my dark humor.) Pfft, one person’s couch potato is another’s deep thinker meditation. So, I’m out and I bid you all, “Ohhhhmmmm…”

    P.S. Malaya brought attention to me that I’ve been accused as Mother Earth. Shhheeet, nearly 2 years away from here with just a couple of postings in between and I’m still on the consciousness of some who aren’t even known friends??? This board, if anything, is a muy, muy fascinating study of human behaviors. And PT, thanks for clearing that hallucination (you, too, my buddy, Malaya). I hope you don’t take what I’ve said here the wrong way: You are still fine in my book. Malibumom isn’t as high on my list but I still want to be fair to her.

    With how I’ve described MM, I swear I don’t have anything personal against her (though it may be easy to misread me as otherwise) or else I wouldn’t feel compelled to come out for her. Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe you two should fight more frequently since no other impetus than the death of Angie’s mom and acting on a greeting favor motivated me enough to post. Again, I view this as a moral dilemma, something that would eat at me if I did nothing. With the lingering unfinished business, well, I still have that delusion I will eventually get to it, so it’s not that I think any less of my friends. (Boy, aren’t postscripts supposed to be just a line or two and not several paragraphs??? No wonder wrapping up is so hard for me.)

  3. 1853
    estelle Says:

    (((((((((((((BIG HUGS TO MY DEAREST CINDY2))))))))))))))))))

    I can’t believe my eyes, I thought my computer’s screen playing trick on me. I have to look twice…but it is you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    How are you? how have you being? are you still in SF? are you married? children?….ok, too many questions?….sorry ;)

    oh!!how I miss you and your wonderful post. I remember everytime I see your post, all is right in the worlds once again….seriously, I’m not joking.

    I’m glad you didn’t post your goodbye, because that leave me hope that you are still lurking around or will return someday ( like today).

    Well, today was my worst day ( my favorite aunt, just find out she has cancer, I was crying all evening, I can’t stop thinking of her) and also my best day ( reading your post). So weird.

    Wow, it’s a long post young lady, I have to read it twice…ok, 3 times…
    I guess I miss the whole MM and PT things….it’s a good thing too…after reading your post…Yike!.

    I hope you are still around. If not, we have a secret garden- go to Angeline Archives, find the longest thread…. :) , no trolls.

    So great to hear from you, glad you are well and still have your sense of humor….!

  4. 1854
    Alexanderina Says:

    # 1854 cindy2 @ 03/01/2008 at 2:29 am

    OMG Cindy2, it has been a such a long time since we heard from you. How are you? Oh how we missed you. I hope that all is well with you and yours. It is such a pleasure getting up this morning and seeing a post from you, brought a smile to my face and make me so happy, and I always I love your posts, very intelligent, funny and voice of reason. I hardly ever get involve in the drama on JJ, take to much time and energy, and as you can see JJ is the same, nothing as change.

    Anyhoo I am doing well, life is wonderful and I thank God every day for it. My brother is in Iraq, so we continue to pray for his safety and that of all the soldiers over there.

    I agree with Estelle, I am glad that you did not post your good-bye message, cause I am still hoping that you are just on a long hiatus and will come back to be posting again. I really do miss you, and so glad to hear from you, please take care of yourself and do continue to check in every once in a while.

    Have a great day Cindy2

  5. 1855
    first and last post Says:

    re: 1852 cindy2 @ 03/01/2008 at 2:29 am
    “To me, it boils down to the attitude in how opinions are stated that may or may not invite prickly, temperamental, defensive reactions.”

    Hi cindy2,
    you may or may not remember me but I lurked quite awhile three years ago and only started posting just as you were not. I wanted to comment on many of your comments but this one in particular stood out because it is so true.
    Many posters unfortunately are not diplomatic or have the skill to express their criticisms or opinions in a non-threatening manner and you are correct, that in itself invites unintentional “tempermental” reactions, then what was an innocent comment is blown out of proportion…but I like you find the interactions entertaining from a sociological stand point…human behavior is defined in how one reacts or interacts with others and it’s more challenging without facial expressions, hand gestures and body posturing in cyberspace.
    I enjoyed your verbose post as I tend towards the same. I missed the MM-PT issue and agree with you. I have much respect for PT and know little about MM but to be fair am reserving opinions and just observing for now.
    Hi to estelle and Alex.

  6. 1856
    Passing Through Says:

    # 1854 cindy2 @ 03/01/2008 at 2:29 am

    Cindy2 -

    Good to hear from you! I’m glad to you’ve temporarily came out of lurking even if it’s just to disagree with me. LOL! We’ve all been worried about you, so I’m glad to know you’re okay, even if you are still having some personal problems.

    You know I respect your opinion, but we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this latest trolling issue with Mmom. You hit the nail on the head with her other anonymous/troll posts, though. Those two issues were exactly what I was talking about in my posts when I said she’d been at it for quite a while. Here’s the thing, though – I don’t and didn’t care if she disagreed with us. What I mind is the way she did it. There was no need to change her name to post those thoughts and I believe she did it maliciously with the intent of causing discourse on the threads.

    As fans we’ve had disagreements before and have agreed to respect each others’ opinions. That’s normal. What’s not normal is to post under a different name and deliberately piss off the fans. THAT is trolling…and that was exactly what the end result of her actions were. When she saw the melees that ensued each time she did that, she could very easily have come forward at any time and admitted it was her and stated her reasons for her opinion. But she never did, PLUS she continued in the same vein for another year and a half. Disagree with us? Fine. But don’t deliberately encite a riot and then sit back and smugly pat yourself on the back because some people can’t resist the bait and will always reply. That makes her no better than those FF loons who come here just to diss Angie. I can’t respect that kind of behavior and I seriously doubt any other fan can either. Contrary to waht she posted the other day, this NOT about “group-thinking”. It’s about honesty and the simple fact is – she lied and kept on lying. How can you respect someone like that? She says this is personal, but it wasn’t personal at all until she refused to own up to her actions and conitued to lie. She insists she’s NEVER trolled her and that’s complete and utter non-sense.

    Okay…that’s it, I’m through with this subject. She can reply and explain herself or not. At this point I really don’t care. I am out of the troll-unmasking business. It’s more headache than it’s worth.

    BTW – I knew there was no way you were Mother Earth because you’re too straight-forward for all that subterfuge “I used to post here 2 years ago” stuff. Besides, you’ve never had any problem whatsoever stating your opinions and I respect that. It was good to hear from you and don’t wait so long between posts next time! We just want to know you’re okay, so have Malaya give us a shout out occasionally.

    PS – I accept your apology re: PhotoshopGate. That chick really was a loon.

  7. 1857
    LuckyL Says:

    I didn’t really laugh, but as long as he’s in love with her and it most likely is coming from a warm place, I’m fine with it.

  8. 1858
    gena Says:

    Read this on the “I’m Not Obsessed” site; seems someone reported that J-P clan is staying at the “Hyatt Lost Pines” Resort on the Colorado river. Looked up the resort and it is really nice even have pool with tubes for the kids to float in. It has horseback riding and other family activities. Don’t know if this is true for I read somewhere esle that they had rented a house along the Colorado River. Here is the site about the “Hyatt Lost Pines hotel”

    I’m Not Obsessed – Celebrity… – http://www.imnotobsessed.com

  9. 1859
    gena Says:

    Hold the press, read another comment that said that they are not at Lost Pines. They have alternative arrangements and if you want to see Brad, go to downtown Smithville for that is where most of the movie is being shot. These are from the comments from the “I’m So Obsessed” site.
    There are some not so nice comments also.

  10. 1860
    petfinders Says:

    cook and feline-dog

    you two dogs in heat need to take your slimy asses to some
    flee bitten hotel and stop disrespecting JJ’s and all the fans
    that come here.
    cook no more is expected of you, feline to see you allowing
    yourself to be exploited like a common hoe is no surprise.

    i will email JJ about cleaning up these ****** post you two
    are engaging in and trying to turn these sites into a toilet, i am
    sure when he started his site his attention was not to let a couple
    of freaks turn it into their personal sex cess-pool

    better still you two will hang yourself, yes i’m sure of it and wind up getting bared, yes that would be better hump-on

  11. 1861
    Felinelilly Says:

    Cook,
    Hey baby. The other day when I said we’d figure something out as far as leaving each other messages, I wanted to ask if you’d be ok with exchanging email addresses. Not for anything more than sending each other messages, because I agree with you about not mixing real life with cyber life.You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to, but then we’d have complete privacy and wouldn’t have to hear it from everyone else. The emai address I have to post here is completely separate from my main address so I don’t mind giving it out. I don’t know, what do you think? Either way, let me know, ok? :)

  12. 1862
    cook Says:

    Fefe,

    Let me think it on it some more…are you really serious?…is this a next step?…I hadn’t plan to go there with anyone but, this was before I met you…I’m private yet, I feel so strongly for you…this is my dilemma…tell me what this is and where it could go…’cause I like all or nothing…but, some things need serious considerations for me…my heart is there but my head needs to study…this is me…I don’t know.

  13. 1863
    Felinelilly Says:

    Cook,

    I didn’t mean to freak you out, it’s not a next step, I just thought we’d have more privacy, that’s all. I’m very private too and I feel the same way you do about not mixing cyber and real life. I just thought it’d be easier to post whatever fun thing we felt like, without it being anyone else’s business. But it’s fine, I understand where you’re coming from, believe me. Let’s forget I asked. :)

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