Lady Gaga Gets Candid About 'Debilitating Mental Spirals' & Suicidal Thoughts: 'I Needed Help Earlier'

Lady Gaga is opening up about her mental health.

The 32-year-old pop superstar and A Star Is Born actress accepted the SAG-AFTRA Patron of the Artists Award on Thursday night (November 8) in Beverly Hills, Calif.

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During her acceptance speech, she addressed her struggle with maintaining her mental health as she rose to fame.

“After years and years of saying yes to jobs, interviews, events — all opportunities, of course that I am so humbled and grateful to have had, because I know that there are so many who have not — and after working as hard as I possibly could to achieve my dreams, slowly but surely the word yes — ‘Yes, sure’ — became too automatic and my inner voice shutdown, which I have learned now is very unhealthy. I was not empowered to say no,” she said.

“There were also symptoms, symptoms of dissociation and PTSD, and I did not have a team that included mental health support. This later morphed into physical chronic pain, fibromyalgia, panic attacks, acute trauma responses, and debilitating mental spirals that have included the suicidal ideation and masochistic behavior. Okay. I’m done with my list, but that list changed my life. And it changed my life not in a good way,” she continued.

“I’m telling you this because for me it was too late. I needed help earlier. I needed mental health care. I needed someone to see not through me or see the star that I’d become but rather see the darkness inside that I was struggling with…I wish I had mental health resources then because although what I have is treatable and can hopefully and will get better over time, if there was preventative mental healthcare accessible to me earlier, I believe it might not have gotten as bad as it did.”

For more from Gaga‘s speech, head to People.com.