Nikki Bella Talks Postpartum Depression, Says She 'Hated' Fiance Artem Chigvintsev

Nikki Bella is getting real about her postpartum depression.

During a new episode of her The Bellas Podcast, the 36-year-old reality star admitted she’s been feeling “super depressed” while raising two-month-old son Matteo, as fiance Artem Chigvintsev films Dancing with the Stars.

“I’ve always prided myself that I can fight a lot of things mentally,” Nikki shared. “I’m very strong in that way. Postpartum has knocked me on my ass. This is something that is way different.”

Nikki went on to reveal that she had a “massive” breakdown when she “refused to ask for help” while taking care of her newborn son while also filming the new season of Total Bellas.

“I think [my twin sister], Brie [Bella], was the first person who’s asked me in weeks: ‘How are you doing?’” Nikki said. “I was about to say, ‘Fine,’ and my lips started shaking and I burst into alligator tears. Like, I broke down. Because that was the first time someone asked me in a while how I was doing, and I wasn’t doing OK.”.

After talking with her doctor, Nikki realized that she was starting to “fall into a postpartum depression.”

“I didn’t realize at week seven, you kind of come out of your baby blues and … go two different paths,” Nikki explained. “You go the path of being healthy or you go down the path of being depressed, and that depression path can be a really dark, deep hole. I was starting to feel invisible…It just started to build up. Being alone with Matteo and just feeling lonely and not loved and invisible.”

Nikki said that when Artem comes home from DWTS, he spends time with Matteo, making her feel more alone, until she told him how she felt.

“He’s like ‘At times, I felt like you were starting to hate me,’” Nikki recalled. “He’s like, ‘You could be mean.’ And I’m not gonna lie, I did have moments of being mean. I did have moments when I looked at him and I hated him. It’s true. There were times I’d look at him and I’m like, ‘I think I hate you.’”

Luckily now, the two are communicating more as they raise their son together.

Check out a couple super cute new pics of baby Matteo below!