Cara Delevingne Was Suicidal While Struggling With Her Sexuality & Homophobic in Her Youth

Cara Delevingne is getting candid about her sexuality journey.

The 28-year-old model and actress made an appearance on Gwyneth Paltrow‘s goop podcast.

“I grew up in an old fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay. I didn’t know that was a thing and actually I think growing up I was quite not noticeably, I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic,” she explained.

“The idea of being same sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh my God, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh,” she continued.

“I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that. But actually that was the part of me that I love so much and accept,” Cara went on to say, adding that she now defines herself as pansexual, or not limited to sex or gender identity, and that the definition is “constantly changing.”

“There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight.’ There is still that side to it. It is really complicated,” she admitted.

“I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model. That whole thing of having to fit into the box – I’m an androgynous person. I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man.’ I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”

Find out who she spent Valentine’s Day with this year.

Cara recently listed her Hollywood Hills home for millions of dollars – take a look inside!