Lady Gaga Says She Thought About Suicide 'Every Day'
Lady Gaga is continuing to open up about her mental health journey.
The 34-year-old “Stupid Love” singer sat down for an interview with Sunday Morning‘s Lee Cowan.
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“I mean, honestly, Lee, I just totally gave up on myself. I hated being famous. I hated being a star. I felt exhausted and used up,” she said of her mental state before making Chromatica.
“I don’t know how to explain it. But I went from looking at this piano, and thinking, you ruined my life. During that time, I was like, You made me Lady Gaga. My biggest enemy is Lady Gaga. That’s what I was thinking: My biggest enemy is her,” she continued.
“You can’t go to the grocery store now. If you go to dinner with your family, somebody comes to the table, you can’t have a dinner with your family without it being about you. It’s always about you. All the time it’s about you. And your outfits. Look at your outfits!” she said.
She also said that attempted to fix her dad’s trauma with 2016′s Joanne, named after her father’s late sister: “I was writing about his trauma from my father’s life that became my trauma in a lot of ways, and I thought I could fix my dad,” she said.
“No. I could never fix that.”
“It’s not always easy, if you have mental issues, to let other people see. I used to show. I used to self-harm. I used to say, ‘Look. I cut myself. See, I’m hurt,’ ’cause I didn’t think anyone could see. ‘Cause mental health, it’s invisible,” she explained.
She opened up about having dark thoughts of suicide “every day”: “I didn’t really understand why I should live other than to be there for my family. That was an actual real thought and feeling: Why should I stick around?”
She said that regardless of how low she felt, she needed to continue – and slowly found happiness again.
“Lee, I swear on my future unborn children! I don’t know why, but I have to. This, I have to do it. Singing, I have to. Turns out, even if I don’t wanna be alive, I still know how to write a song!”
“I don’t hate Lady Gaga anymore. I found a way to love myself again, even when I thought that was never gonna happen. Now, I look at this piano and I go, Oh, my God. My piano! My piano that I love so much! My piano that lets me speak. My piano that lets me make poetry. My piano, that’s mine!”
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