Ellen DeGeneres Reflects on Her Talk Show Ending After 19 Years: 'I Was Crying Every Day'

Ellen DeGeneres is looking back at her career.

In a new interview with THR, the comedian and host opened up about her daytime talk show ending after 19 years.

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“I knew going in that this season was going to be my last season, so I really tried to take everything in,” she told the outlet. “And it’s funny because the last couple of months I was more emotional than I was in the last week or two. I got really emotional about two months out, but that last week I wasn’t because I really just wanted to enjoy it. I was working with [former monk] Jay Shetty a lot, too, on being present and I was. I was very present for all of it.”

Ellen also discussed what it was like watching so many of her guests become emotional during her final shows.

“I mean, it was very flattering because it meant that they really enjoyed themselves on my show and that was always my intention. And so for people like Zac Efron to get emotional — I mean, he really teared up, but there are so many people who grew up on the show and so that [response] was very flattering,” she said. “[Doing press] is a necessary evil in this business. You do a job and then you’ve got to go out and talk about it, and people ask questions over and over again, and I came from that side of the business and I was always like, ‘How can I make this a better, more fun experience for people?’

She went on to say that there was “a time a couple of months out where I was crying every day” in anticipation of the show ending.

“I was really emotional, even though it was my choice, and it’s the right choice. I knew it was time to end this chapter and to do something different, but still it was really emotional. But I did not want the last two weeks to be about that. I’d meditate every day on my intention and how much I wanted to be present and enjoy it and I wanted that for the audience, too. I wanted people to be reminded of what we brought to television with the music and the games and everything. It was more of a variety show than anything, and I wanted the last two weeks to be pure fun because I struggle with anxiety and depression and I know how important it is to have an escape. We’re reminded every single day of what’s going on in the world, from a sick family member to wars and fires and global warming. There are so many different things that make you sad,” Ellen shared.

She continued, “And I struggle with becoming overwhelmed with that. And sometimes it feels hard for me even to go out and do a show because I am thinking, ‘How can I be out having fun when someone’s suffering?’ And then I realize that that’s one hour a day that I’m helping somebody who needs to escape just like I do. That’s what I hope everybody was getting from the show and will remember it for.”

Ellen also brought up some of the advice she had gotten from Oprah, who went through a similar situation when her own show was coming to an end.

“She did say that she regrets [not taking time off when her talk show ended], but she was launching her network at the same time,” the comedian said. “So, that was bad timing on her part because she really should have taken time to sit and reflect. I am going to try to take her advice, which is, ‘Don’t do anything for a year. No matter how good the offer is, just sit for a year.’ And I’ll tell you, I have an incredible offer right now that I actually got several months before I finished. It’s really, really hard to say no to and I’m asking to delay it because I am really trying to sit still.”

As for whether she had any regrets about ending the show during her farewell season, Ellen said: “No. It’s for sure the right time. The world is in a crazy place… And you know, I was going to stop three years ago and they talked me into staying a little longer and I did and it’s fine. There was a lot that happened during that time that was unfortunate but it is what it is — you go through stuff in life and you just keep learning and growing. That’s how I have to look at it. But it’s definitely time to stop.”

In case you missed it, you can see Oprah‘s final appearance on Ellen here.