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AnnaLynne McCord Was Suicidal After Being Sexually Assaulted at Age 18 - Read Her Touching Essay Here

AnnaLynne McCord Was Suicidal After Being Sexually Assaulted at Age 18 - Read Her Touching Essay Here

AnnaLynne McCord is opening up and detailing her sexual assault at age 18 in a poignant essay written for Cosmopolitan magazine’s July 2014 issue.

Here’s some excerpts from the 26-year-old 90210 star’s essay:

“One night, a guy friend called. He said he needed a good night’s sleep for a meeting, as he’d been crashing on someone’s couch. I had known him for some time, so I said to come over and I set him up with a clean towel. We sat on the bed and talked for a while, then I fell asleep. When I woke up, he was inside me. At first I felt so disoriented and numb, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep…then, suddenly, my thoughts took a practical turn: I could get an STD. I could get pregnant. I have a boyfriend.”

“I had pills and water in hand and thought seriously about killing myself. I didn’t fear death—it felt like a solution,” she wrote later, “I forgave myself for not standing up for myself, and I began channeling my experience into something good. I have my message for women and girls: You have a voice.”

For more from AnnaLynne, visit Cosmopolitan.com.

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annalynne mccord pens poignant essay about sexual assault at age 18 01
annalynne mccord pens poignant essay about sexual assault at age 18 02

Credit: Amanda Friedman/Cosmopolitan
Posted to: AnnaLynne McCord, Magazine

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  • Amy

    Did she report this rapist to the police?

  • ace11

    Scary stuff

    Wonder how Kellan handled it?

  • Ha

    Pamela Anderson, now her…what’s with all those pretty ladies getting sexually assaulted!? Ugh. Guys can be such as*holes!!!! No wonder those girls grow up to be overtly sexual and messed up!

  • Sonia

    @Amy:

    Most people don’t report rapes as we live in a society of blaming the victim. And of those reported very few get prosecuted as it can easily become he said she said. Rape victims are so quickly dismissed that it makes reporting it not worth the humiliation. Not to mention that victims are many times treated horribly by the judicial system and in a way are raped again when they are told that nothing can be done or the perpetrator will only get probation etc.

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    Why now are all of these celebrities (Pam Anderson) coming out with these confession type stories? I’m sorry that happened to her, but here is my problem with this…If you truely want to help girls and women who have been raped “have a voice”, why not volunteer at a Rape Crisis Center? Get to know some of the girls and women individually or in a group and help/heal each other. The whole press conference/media spotlight/magazine interview confession makes me give these celebrities the side-eye treatment and question their motive and reasoning for making such a public confession. What are you trying to gain from this?

  • She is amazing

    @celestialacademician: What the hell are you talking about? Why you side-eyeing rape victims who are brave enough to talk about it in public? It doesnt matter if they are celebs or not. Many are afraid to speak up. She is showing by telling her story to the public that they are not alone and that there is no special type of women who get raped, actually everybody can be a rape victim and your rapist can be your friend. Sharing such a story tells other victims that there is a way to survive it and to live on and that your past aint defining you.

  • hmmm

    sommmeeeooonnneee has something to promote

    *eyeroll*

  • Amy

    @Sonia:

    Well there needs to be physical evidence so the best thing to do is call the police and get examined at the hospital.

  • Alaia

    Interesting. And didn’t her character in that 90210 show get raped, too? I wonder how she felt when she read the script.

    And yes, I did watch 90210.

  • mcwitch11

    If it’s true I’m very sorry it happened to her….my problem is all these celebrities come outta the d- list when they’re careers are stalled or over. I agree maybe working at a rape crisis center would probably help more women, then what appears a desperate grab at the spot light. It just seems to be a pattern with Hollywood. I don’t wanna be cynical but I believe most of these horror stories are a publicist bs

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    @mcwitch11: Exactly!!!! That was my point and why I give people who do this the side-eye. I wasn’t victim-blaming.

  • Spring Summer

    Horrible. I wish she had spoken up during her NipTuck and 90210 days and Pamela Anderson during her heyday in Baywatch, though it’s easier said than done of course.

  • kami

    a lot of women never report rape. if more women talked about it like this, is would make it much easier for other victims to report it.

  • tina

    glad they are speaking out, but the time to speak up is when it happens and not years later. it doesn’t hold the same value when it’s 10, 15, or 20 years down the road and kinda makes the stories seem … well, maybe not as reliable?

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    @tina: You can’t put a time limit on when a person should come forward because this would be the individual’s personal choice. People deal with things differently. I just question the motive behind this “confession”.

  • nat

    @tina: just because someone tells their story later on in life doesn’t make it any less “valuable.” Many women are too scared of reporting or discussing their rape because society refuses to take them seriously. Good for her for speaking up!

  • Dee

    @Alaia: Was wondering and thinking the same thing.

  • Kerry Louise

    Her Jewish managers are really grasping at straws to keep her in the news.

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    I’m just tired of the media and the public needing to make individual’s into “characters” and the choices they make in their lives or events that happen in a person’s life into a story/narrative. Life and people are not that simple. There are times you just won’t understand an individual or the choices they make in life or the actions they take and this is okay. Everyone doesn’t have a dark past or skeletons in their closet, and for those that do this would be their business (not the media or the publics). Focus on your own life and fix your own s*it. This is the problem with our society…EVERYONE IS SO D@MN NOSY!!!!!

  • Meg E Meister

    Some of these comments are just revolting to me. Regardless of this woman’s career today, when she was a teenager, she didn’t want to prosecute, she didn’t want to have a pelvic exam and get swabbed – she wanted to DIE. She wanted to remove herself from this earth, and the years from that point to sharing her story is a testament to her climb from suicide to wanting to live again, and using her celebrity status to get the word out about having a voice. I was sexually abused as a child for years, and I closed my eyes and covered my face with the covers, and I recognize this in her story. I would never wish molestation or rape on any individual in this world, yet it seems that a large number of people in society are truly ignorant about the impact one single abuse can have on a victim for the rest of their waking lives. Practice empathy and compassion, and never accuse a victim, man or woman, of lying – or sharing a false story to get ratings. I have seen the Pamela Anderson and Tommy sex tape, and I thought she would be a sex bomb. Instead, I found her to be extremely shy being filmed, speaking like a little girl, and wanting to constantly cover herself up, despite her floozy status on the TV. That tape was a reflection of her true personality, and now that we know about her abuse history, her behavior on that boat falls into place and makes perfect sense to me. She is very different on-screen than in real life…MOST actors and actresses are. From watching interviews with her closest confidants, it appears that Norma Jean was NOTHING like Marilyn Monroe in real life. We need to stop thinking we know these people for the roles they play on television. There are dark, painful secrets that make some of them want to die – and maybe through one ‘coming out’, another finds strength to do the same. We shouldn’t treat this with disdain, but brava to the individual for breaking the silence around her and release the screaming that has possessed her mind. Baby boomers and their parents kept everything silent to keep up the image of perfection. Their children, and our children, are becoming more brave, and not suffering alone in silence anymore because we’ve had enough of those attitudes. One by one, we are obliterating the elephant in the middle of the room, the one that our parents and our grandparents ignore – but we see – and we talk about. Because we are STRONG. And we are not going to let ignorant people go on about how our abuse didn’t really happen because we didn’t handle it properly when it happened. I tell those people to go walk naked down a dark alley in New York City and get back to us later so we can surround you with the understanding and acceptance you deserve.

  • michelle

    @Meg E Meister: Meg E Meister, sounds like a lot of pent up hate. hopefully you are in counseling.

  • sarah

    I’ve seen a lot of comments on here berating her for opting to speak out to media outlet as opposed to volunteering or getting involved with an organization. This is complete and utter bullshit. The fact of the matter remains that women all over the world are shamed into believing that the way they dressed, their consumption of alcohol, or their choices to go out alone at night led to their sexual assault, like it was their fault that a man was unable to control himself and acted like an animal. Females like AnnaLynne are so crucial to dismantling this stigma that is placed on women who are sexually assaulted, and through bringing attention to this issue, she is giving females who have experienced things like what she has a voice, and potentially the courage to come forward to the police. The notion that women “make up” stories of rape is so problematic and ridiculous as they are more often than not criticized and made to feel ashamed of themselves for coming forward, rather than getting support. I am personally so proud of her, as I know too many women who have kept quiet about being assaulted, and we need more people to come forward, males and females alike, to bring attention to the fact that it isn’t your fault if you get raped.

  • Meg E. Meister

    @michelle The only sentence that could potentially come across as hateful is the last one, and you seem to be disregarding the entirety of my post. Since you want to attack my character and diagnose me, I challenge you to break my comment down and highlight exactly that which is a) pent up, and b) hateful. Because I am a Psychologist, I have absolutely no problem helping you through this. I’ll wait to hear back.

  • Meg E. Meister

    @sarah Great comment, Sarah! I wholeheartedly agree with you. I watched a lot of threads in the news when the Pamela Anderson story broke, and people were tearing her up badly. What really surprised me were the number of people who brought up the Duke Lacrosse team and other FALSE rape cases when the story broke of the rape list being published in the ladies room of the (which university?) campus. Many were saying “always believe an accusation of rape”, to which so many others brought up these isolated (but well-publicized) cases where women cried wolf. I really wish these cases never happened, because they did a huge disservice to victims everywhere. I try to get people to remember that men are victims of rape, also (but I’m not talking about the kind of rape you may think). In my practice, I have dealt with men who were drugged and raped by women in their sleep to force implantation of sperm into uterus with men who were child free by choice. The same can be said with domestic violence, as many men were raised to never lay a hand on a woman, so they become battered, instead. We (meaning the public) can’t be so quick to judge, or make assumptions about a persons motive because of their career or celebrity status, or some other asinine quality. Abuse is abuse, and we weren’t present to witness it, right? I’m incredibly impressed with her for no longer hiding in the shadows. Sunlight heals. :)

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    I am not saying she is lying about what happened to her. I’m saying this confession of hers intuitively feels more like an attention grab than a need to want to genuinely help other victims, and I stand by my opinion. We have read and seen countless examples of people who do this type of thing. They are attention seekers. These types of individuals only care about one thing: The focus/spotlight/attention being solely on them, and they will do anything to achieve this.

    @Meg E Meister: There is no correct way of going through something traumatic. You do what you think is right for you at the time, and people handle/deal with things differently. Some people like to share while others don’t. This is okay. Let people deal with things however they choose to instead of accusing those who don’t “share” with you of trying to hide behind this facade of perfection. Not all baby boomer parents behaved that way.
    This is what irritates me about people like yourself. You could have 100 people sharing with you their similar traumatic experience, but if that one person out of the 100 says to you they didn’t have the same experience or that didn’t happen to them…you would become so laser focused on that one person (to the point of obsession might I add). Going over and over in your mind “Why didn’t he or she have the same thing happen to them? Why aren’t they behaving, thinking, feeling like me?” Instead of finding comfort, support, and healing from the 99 people who did share the same experience as you, you obsess and hate the one who is different from you.

    The truth is two people can go through the same horrific event and come out of it differently because WE ARE INDIVIDUALS FIRST. No one is the same. Each one of us thinks, feels, moves, loves, hates, differently. There are people who can sit in a room with thousands of other people sharing they suffered the same trauma, and all of that “sharing” does absolutely nothing for them. Their individual scars are so deep that only God can heal them. So please spare me with all your BS because you and I both know this would be more about you feeling good about others experiencing the same trauma (or worse) as you so you don’t feel alone and in return this makes you feel good about yourself and what happened to you than it is about helping/healing your deep wounds or the deep wounds of others.

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    @sarah: I’m sorry, but you have to weigh each sexual assault case INDIVIDUALLY. There are cases of women who do cry wolf whether you want to admit/accept it or not. Check out the Sarah Elizabeth Rutz case. The FBI statistics for the annual rate of false accusations of rape reporting across the U.S. is about 8% of all rapes reported.

    Yes, there are cases where women get raped through no fault of their own. I mean look at babies and children who get molested. They are innocent beings, but there are cases where women put themselves into dangerous types of situations. Google the Cubs Gooding Jr. encounter with a fan story and read the woman’s encounter with him. He didn’t sexually assault her, but she did put herself in a dangerous situation. These types of sexual assaults happen all of the time. This still doesn’t make it right for the person to act like an animal, but a little common sense could have prevented it if this did happen. This is just the painful truth.

  • Meg E. Meister

    @celestialacademian I spend the greater portion of my practice treating individuals who need help with issues related to divorce, miscarriage, grieving, drug addiction, and domestic violence. So do not, for one moment, presume that I have a laser focus, nor an obsession, when it comes to this topic because it affected me personally as a child. My comments regarding baby boomers being of a different mind, and this generation being more outspoken – wanting to break free of the silence that poisons their families – is true and entirely fair, and this is why you see these people coming out years later, breaking silence of trauma that happened to them years earlier. It is absolutely an individual choice, but they will find, in today’s world (as compared to 50 years ago), when they break the chains of silence, they will find an army of supporters to cheer them on. NOT because it makes their little club bigger, and that makes them feel better about themselves. Such an accusation, as you made, is atrocious. Rather, because the world is uninformed and uneducated and make ugly statements such as “she said this for attention because her fame wilted and she needs attention” or something similar. You can be irritated by the idea of me or people like me, but do not, for one moment, presume to know the whole of me, or my motivations, when I post a few paragraphs under a gossip column. Good day.

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    @Meg E. Meister: I wasn’t accusing them. I was talking about YOU!!! When you make this statement – “I’ll tell those people to go walk naked down a dark alley in New York City and get back to us later so we can surround you with the understanding and acceptance you deserve.”

    ^^^You are going to get this response from me (reading your entire 1st post in this topic) – “Please spare me with all your BS because you and I both know this would be more about YOU feeling good about others experiencing the same trauma (or worse) as YOU so YOU don’t feel alone and in return this makes YOU feel good about yourself and what happened to YOU than it is about helping/healing YOUR deep wounds or the deep wounds of others.

  • Meg E. Meister

    @celestialetc. I never presumed that you were speaking to anyone but me. However, you did say “what irritates me about people like you is…”, so if I speak in more general terms, that would be why. As for YOUR laser focus and obsession with ME…Ahhh. I understand now. I was speaking facetiously, doing nothing more than trying to get people to pause for a moment and consider whether they would continue to be such crass human beings if they went through an experience such as AnnaLynn McCord has described, and for which they are now tearing her apart and doubting her motivations…or if they would want, and hope for, a group to surround and protect and comfort should they fall prey. People should stop being such a-holes and put themselves in the poor girls shoes for a minute is what I’m trying to get across! To take my statement as anything but sarcasm is a mistake, but I will admit that I worded it HORRIBLY. I have posted quite a few things here, 99% of which you have completely ignored, and I have wondered why you have been digging and digging, making disgusting accusations. Your witch hunt is over, “Star Student”. As educated as you proclaim yourself to be, you surely know that every individual is made of intricate layers and complexities, feels and emotions based on a lifetime of experiences, good and bad. I suggest you take a few classes in Victim Advocacy or Psychology. No person who has ever been through the trauma of being violated EVER wishes to see the same thing happen to another human being. Why? Because unlike anyone else they may try to explain it to, they know how it cracks a persons foundation, particularly if it happens in the formative years. I apologize for my ill phrasing. It was a horrible way to put something that I meant much differently. As for this forum, I’m done, because I will not put up with any more of your hatred and character assassination. I hope you have better luck in the future, learning to communicate with survivors. For the venom you spit is downright appalling. Take care. Let this story be about AnnaLynn McCord having a voice. Unless you’re the type who must have the last word, and if that is the case, be my guest. I’ve already moved on. Hope you can, too! :)

  • http://JustJared celestialacademician

    @Meg E. Meister: I don’t have an obsession/laser-like focus on you. Nor do I need to have the last word on things. You are addressing me, and I am responding to you. It’s really that simple.

    1.) When I read your first post, I agreed with most of the points you were making. I only had an issue with your last statement (“I tell those people to go walk naked down a dark alley in NYC…”). That comment read a little venomous. Even @michelle picked up on it and responded. This was why I responded back to you with “Please spare me with all your BS…” comment. Since your comment read like you had some pent up hate, I explained why people who take their hate out on others irritate me.
    I’ve had way too many encounters with people who behave this way. These individuals get so angry, dismissive, and hate you simply because you haven’t experienced the same things in life as them. Any type of difference makes them lash out at innocent people in a hateful way, and it doesn’t matter if you do show/feel empathy and compassion for them. They don’t care or want it. The only thing they want is for you to suffer, hurt, and be in the same misery they are in. Even if you did go through the same experience as them or have the same issue/problems, they will still HATE you if you decide to rise above all of it and come out on the other side heart healed and feeling whole again.

    2.) I still feel AnnaLynne McCord’s confession is an attention grab. We can agree to disagree on that one.

    3.) I don’t hate you, and you explained everything (ill phrasing). Can we shake hands and hug it out now, lol? :)

  • Chrissy

    As a rape victim, when the first thing out of someone’s mouth is, “did you report it” . I just….wow….no most of us DO NOT report it, my rapist for one said to me if you tell your friend (who I was with at the place, and I cared deeply about. At the time) I (the rapist) said, will f***ing kill him. I even went as far as had to go along with it and say to this person that I was enjoying it, despite crying. So when the rape was over, no I didn’t report it cause of the fact I had to go along with him and say to him that I was enjoying it…I thought they, being the police would never believe me, so why bother. I also attempted suicide 2 years later and am seeking counselling on a weekly basis. And for those who say why did “she” wait so long to come out with it. Really…. Maybe it’s because she has/had just started to like/love herself again and feel worthy of anyone’s love. That’s when you feel it’s okay to talk about it. So please don’t judge, we all deal with our “demons” at our own pace. Some take longer than others.

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