Avicii Wrote About 'Fears' & 'Urgent Pain' in Final Journal Entries Before 2018 Death

A new book is shedding light on Avicii‘s final diary entries.

Journalist Mans Mosesson explores the late DJ’s life and legacy in his new book Tim – The Official Biography Avicii.

Avicci (Tim Bergling) died of suicide on April 20, 2018 at the age of 28 and the book features some of the journal entries the musician wrote during his stays in various treatment facilities.

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“I had a hard time accepting never drinking again though strongly suggested from all doctors to wait at least a year before even having a beer,” he wrote, per the New York Post. “Of course, I didn’t listen to the majority of the doctors, I listened to the couple who said it was OK if I was careful.

“I was ignorant and naïve and touring the world, still on the never-ending tour — because once you’ve circled it, guess what? You start right back over again. Those days in hospital were the most anxiety and stress-free days I can remember the past six years, those were my true vacations, as depressing as it might sound,” he continued.

An entry from 2015 described a family intervention that led him to check into the Ibiza Calm rehab center.

“It needed to be explained to me very logically and caveman-esque for me to truly understand its nature and how it was harming me,” he wrote. “Ouch, pain. Why me pain now? Uncomfortable feeling.

“Future Tim deal with pain. Future Tim deal with pain better than present Tim because already there’s too many present pains more urgent to deal with.”

Later, the “Levels” performer embraced the meditation practices of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, meditating for hours at a time.

“It feels like I am in a new default mode of being which is very new and a little bit scary,” he explained. “It felt like the fears the last couple of days caused havoc in me, but I remember the tip to focus on my breathing.”

“The shedding of the soul is the last attachment, before it restarts!” his final diary entry reads.

Tim — The Official Biography of Avicii will be released on Jan. 18.

The DJ’s posthumous album TIM was released after his death and you can listen to it here.