Evan Rachel Wood Reveals She Attempted Suicide Before Checking into Psychiatric Hospital

Evan Rachel Wood is bravely opening up about her struggle with mental health when she was only 22-years-old.

The 31-year-old Westworld actress opened up about how years of abuse pushed her to seek help and check into a psychiatric hospital.

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“Looking back, it was the worst, best thing that ever happened to me,” Evan said in an essay in Nylon. “It was morning; I felt as though I had been hit by a truck. Then with an almost hysterical acceptance, without thinking, I picked up the phone. It was one of those moments when you have a choice that goes beyond the initial choice you make by calling out for help: You can not die, or you can come back to life.”

Evan goes on to recount the phone call to her mother after she attempted to take her own life.

“‘Mom?… It’s me… I just tried to kill myself… I need to go to a hospital,’” Evan writes. “When I said I needed to go to a hospital, I did not mean I needed to go for any physical injuries I may or may not have had. I meant a hospital for my state of mind.”

Evan then explains how her years of struggling with abuse led her to that place.

“My mind at the time was filled with scars and shadows and most importantly, so much shame. I was struggling with PTSD and didn’t know it,” Evan continues. “My PTSD was caused by multiple rapes and a severely abusive relationship that went on for years.”

However, since living in the public eye, she couldn’t express her pain. So she changed her name in order to protect herself at the hospital.

“So when it came time to find a psychiatric hospital, my first concern — which most people won’t have to worry about — was figuring out a way to get help without anyone finding out, because if they did, any chance I had at rebuilding myself would be severely impaired by the cruelty of strangers,” Evan says. ““I felt some relief at choosing this new name. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to not be ‘Evan Rachel Wood’ — so much of my self-worth was wrapped in that.”

Evan concluded: “Depression isn’t a weakness, it’s a sickness. Sometimes a deadly one. And sometimes all people need is to know that they are loved and that others are there for them.”

You can read Evan‘s full essay at Nylon.com.