Nicole Kidman Recalls 'Struggling' in Her 'Personal Life' When She Won the Oscar in 2003

Nicole Kidman is looking back at her Oscars win.

In 2003, the 56-year-old actress the Best Actress award for her role of Virginia Woolf in The Hours.

While the win should have been an exciting moment for her, Nicole now reveals that she was hiding a private struggle at the time.

Keep reading to find out more…

“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well. That’s what happens, right?” Nicole told author Dave Karger in his new book 50 Oscar Nights, via People.

Shortly before her Oscars win, Nicole had finalized her divorce from Tom Cruise after 11 years of marriage.

While up on stage, Nicole briefly broke down in tears, before composing herself and saying, “Russell Crowe said don’t cry when you get up there and now I’m crying.”

Immediately after her speech, Nicole said that she felt the urge to go home.

“I’m not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award,’” Nicole recalled. “I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble.’ Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They’re like, ‘That’s what you do.’”

Ultimately, Nicole ended up going to the after-party for a short time.

“So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn’t enjoy it. I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more,” Nicole admitted.

Once she was back in her hotel room, Nicole realized that it was time for her to find love again.

“I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel,” Nicole said. “I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That’s when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’”

She added, “I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours.”

Two years later, Nicole started dating Keith Urban, who she has been married to since 2006.

In another recent interview, Nicole teased that a third season of Big Little Lies is in the works!

Dave Karger will release his book 50 Oscar Nights on Jan. 23.